Random mutterings, sighing and gasping, finger jabbing, brow dabbing and general bleatings about everyday bollocks. Brought to you by Angie Annetts, author of the highly-acclaimed short story collection, 'Tales From Around The Bend'. http://www.talesfrom.co.uk/

Thursday, 7 April 2011

Rugby World Cup, Thriller and Deep Heat

The rugby world cup starts in September, and I can’t wait. I do love my ruggers. In anticipation I’ve been polishing my remote control since the start of the year, buying in the beers, practising a few rousing patriotic songs, and limbering up my gesticulating hand in readiness for the big occasion (at this juncture I feel it my duty to ‘fess up’ and inform you that, to-date, all attempts to pull off a credible Mexican wave in the lounge with my husband have proved somewhat futile and may well be aborted come the autumn..).
            Anyhoo, who’s going to win it? Dunno. But as the whole shebang is being held in New Zealand, and the fact that the All Blacks undeniably have the best outfits, let them win it, I say. Trebles all round. PLUS they do perform that terribly nice Haka thing when the rest of the teams just stand around and don’t bother doing nuffin.
            But then, why don’t the other teams do something?
            And is it fair that it’s just the All Blacks who get to slap their rippling thighs and stick their tongue out?
            Is it just showing off? Or maybe, hogging the limelight?
            Maybe things would be fairer if there was some crude form of ‘dance off’ between the teams, to level things out, as it were, with the spoils going to best dancers. Why, you wouldn’t even need to bother with the rugby.
            Ooh, I can see it now…

The All Blacks ruthlessly demonstrate the best technique for stuffing the Christmas turkey.

Hello. What's this? They're a bit out of synch in this shot. They'll lose valuable points for that...           

10/10 for England's synchronised moves, and although a credible attempt at sporting the correct team colours,
       I fear that looking like big girl's blouses whilst wielding snot rags may not be enough to take the gold...           

Blimey. This has got the lot.
Class, poise, tight trousers...some bloke from Riverdance - looks like Ireland are coming up on the rails..             

But the gold goes to rank outsiders, USA.
Yes, any rugby team that can pull off a credible 'Thriller' dance in that get-up deserve to cop the lot.
Unlooky, New Zealand. There's always 2015...

Naturally, if Gavin Henson stamps his feet enough to get into the Welsh squad for the RWC there’d undoubtedly have to be a ‘tan-off’…

Admittedly, there could be a flaw with this. Namely, Gavin's team mates are translucent.
This, in turn, could expose the Welsh team's vulnerability when facing opponents from the SH (south of Hertfordshire..)

           And why stop at rugby? We’ve got the Olympics here next year. We could have a mass pose-off for that; I mean, the way half of them carry on before they come out the traps (or whatever they’re about to launch into). Yeah, lob the gold to whoever strikes the best pose beforehand. It’d save a fortune on plimsolls, cans of Deep Heat and orange segments. Not to mention time. And if they get a move on, it could all be over before tea time. Queenie and Prince Philip could be judges – X-Factor style – they could give their ten bob’s worth of opinion (“Orf with their heads!”) and then viewers could text in for their favourite and Bob’s Yer Uncle - we have a winner!

The Master.
If he plays his cards right, he'll be winning the gold from his front room next year
 - what with Skype, and all that.

Look and learn, children. These two have just won gold and silver in the
400m hurdles without even having to cock a leg.

        And it would save our dear Queenie and Prince Philip from having to watch and cheer our athletes on as they limp around the bend (and the suchlike).

(a) "Just lob the fucking thing!" Prince Philip reveals his frustration at our field eventers..
(b) "Run faster you fucker!" Even our track atheletes cop a mouthful...
Nah, best we stick to my original plan...

This lot may look a bit doubtful, but not only have they just won the women's 4 x 100m relay,
but they've smashed the world record... 

N.B. This blog could have gone on for days, months...years in fact (and almost has)….because I also began thinking about professional football players (Wayne Rooney in the main), which in turn would lead to a ‘spit-off’: tennis could become a ‘tantrum-off’ or perhaps with the girlies, a ‘grunt-off’ and….and darts could just cut to the chase and have a ‘tit-off’ by just having promotional big breasted birds strutting from the changing rooms to the stage…I could go on, and on, and on….

If you’ve thought of any others that might amuse, please lob them into the comment box for me. I’m off now for a Pot Noodle and a rub down with the Sporting Life…    

1 comment:

  1. *Snort* Excellent... am just off to practice me Mexican wave now Ang...


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